This is not the 17th century we live in....

I read the blog written by Music_Soul and it seems parts of her analogy on meetings and future relationships is based on 17th century romance. Serious men do not ask a lady to marry him after the first communications with her. And where is it written that the man has to be the initiator in regards to meeting his lady? Who decided it is still pertinent in this world of so many advances that the man should go to her first? Why is it wrong for him to ask her to come to him?
Society has done so much to brainwash us all into believing certain equities of a romance just have to be! He has to go to her, he has to win her favor and prove his interest, he has to be the one to pay for it all. Well there are so many ladies in this world who sleep in cold lonely beds because they believe the man has to act first!
Where in this day and age does this old fashioned mindset fit in? Are you looking for a fairy tale romance or are you looking for modern world thinking? It seems some are stuck on this belief that strong relationships can only be found in such archaic and outdated values.
It may seem logical to some that the man should make the first visit to his future bride's country and meet her. I think it is a decision that "both" the man and a woman should agree on. Why would the man be expected to pay a kings ransom to travel to his lady when in the end she is most likely going to live with him in "his" country. To me the logic seems straight forward. The man can use the money he would have paid for this trip to assist his lady in coming to him.
Firstly she will learn what her future life will be while spending quality time with her man in the city she may just be moving to. She will get accustomed to the ways of life in his country, see first hand just what differs from her country to his. See how her man interacts with his friends and family, how he treats her and where he takes her on "real" dates. He will make her feel comfortable and at ease because he is relaxed and knows what may be of interest to his lady.
Secondly the man will be able to show his lady a good time and live within his means in doing so. Let's face it, a majority of the men on dating sites are not going to 5 star restaurants, glitzy night clubs, and spending $300-400 on himself when he goes out, and he is not wearing a 3 piece Gucci suit either. If you ladies want to see the "real" man you may marry then let him be himself and try not to put high expectations on him in order to impress you. You want a "fake" husband or you want the real McCoy? A man should not have to act like someone he is not just to impress a lady!
Be honest ladies! What impresses you more? A man who looks so out of place in a suit and tie and is not comfortable or a very relaxed man in a nice pair of slacks and a button down shirt? Is the man who takes you to a restaurant that he knows is not in his budget and is not in his comfort zone truly going to impress you? Or is the man who brings you a dozen roses and takes you to a quiet little bistro and is having a good time more impressive? Are you more impressed with a man who is being exactly who he is or the man who is showing off and spending loads of money and is making you think he lives this way every day?
Thirdly and most importantly when the lady comes to meet her man she will not have to worry about accommodations. She will be most welcome in his home and if she is not ready for intimacy or feels more comfortable having her own room I do not know to many men who would not be glad to give up his bed to make her comfortable. I am pretty sure both the man and woman have already gotten acquainted deeply enough in the time they spent together in video chat or texting that sharing the same bed is not going to be uncomfortable. Intimacy does not need to put a wedge between them and spending a few nights in the same bed just sleeping is not out of the norm, couples do it all the time!
All of this brings me to my final point. To many couples on these dating or marriage sites rush things. It seems if the man is not asking the lady to meet him after 2 or 3 months then she loses interest and moves on. Ladies!!! How much can you get to know about a man or he you in 2 or 3 months of talking for a couple of hours 3 or 4 nights a week? Give it time to develop and do not be in such a rush to put an ultimatum on your man. Sure you can discuss a future meeting but think of all that has to be done to make that meeting happen! A lot has changed regarding passports and visas in the last few years and it requires a lot of hard work to get approved now. Be patient and work with your man to ensure every detail of your meeting is without complications.
There is nothing more deflating to a couple who is ready to take the final step to meet and have issues with the required papers. It delays or may even cause your meeting to never happen.
As far as when the appropriate time to discuss marriage is concerned, this again, is up to the couple and no one else! Making sure the feelings are real and true is what you are meeting for not to get married! You are taking the next step towards marriage when you both meet. Seeing if your life together is compatible, getting even more acquainted and making those feelings stronger. Sharing a little part of your future marriage while you are together and being in love. My last point is one that I think is crucial to a very solid relationship and future marriage.
After you have met and have spent quality time together and you go back home or the man goes back home are you really going to return to chatting on the site you met each other on? To me this is taking one step backwards in your future together. At your meeting you should discuss just how you will communicate with each other while you await your next meeting. I am pretty sure you will have each others phone numbers and texting or even live calls will make your time apart that much sweeter. You took the next step and finally met so take the next step in communicating and make it very private and personal between you. There are so many ways to ensure love comes before marriage and no one but a loving couple should decide how they approach their marriage and future together.